june 16th, 2009

reviewing the photos on my memory card from the last 12 months, i found the last picture i took of my childhood pet, christopher, before he died in october. i remember looking at this photo after i just left him again, and thought it was interesting. seeing it again, now that he's gone, it looks like he's already ghosting.

always aspiring to be realistic, i used to think that people being shattered by the death of a pet was a bit much. i can't say every moment of my waking life is distraught misery, because it's not. but spending 6 days at my parents' house, the first time since he died, was quite the emotional mindfuck. it may seem like auto-pilot, but i loved my rituals with my ani-pal. i can't walk into the house from the garage without calling 'krr-ihs-tohffur!' here kitty kitty.

it felt painful to make myself not carry out my cat-call as usual. it sucked. my mind kept filling in his image where he would sit -- center floor of any high-traffic area. my mind would echo his variety of greetings and commentary when timely. any time i let myself call for christopher, it seemed too debbie-downer to ever do again.

music is one of those things that heals the hurts. i have already mentioned a song i love, but listening to it from the perspective of mourning my kitty. i'm the girl, christopher's the he, my parents' house (and christopher's lifelong home) is the meeting place.

all it takes is a peppy 60's-inspired pop-orchestral mid-tempo ballad.